


unpunished

by AslansCompass



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Self-Loathing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:41:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22233469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AslansCompass/pseuds/AslansCompass
Summary: Obi-Wan thought he'd never see Ahsoka again.  When he accidentally encounters her during one of his brief trips off-world, he has to decide what to tell her.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 1
Kudos: 45





	unpunished

New parts for the vaporizer, a larger loom, sterile-packed bacta pads. Kenobi mentally reviewed his list of supplies. All collected. Now to find a ride back. He hadn't liked leaving Tantooine in the first place, but it had been almost three years. The initial chaos of the rising Empire was beginning to settle into a tedious totalitarianism. So far, the Empire seemed primed to follow the Republic's pattern of neglect.

"Hey, move it, old man," someone snapped.

Had someone recognized him? Kenobi kept his eyes down, feeling his way through the crowd on instinct alone. He made his way to a small space between two pillars, making sure his hood was secure before glancing up at the spaceport schedule. At least half a dozen species filled the boarding area, selling tickets, tinkering with ships, and managing traffic. The vessels were of various makes and models--nothing like the sleek vessels he had piloted during the Clone Wars. 

No; that Jedi Master _Obi-Wan_ had piloted. He was just old Ben, the desert hermit, with no greater goals than surviving the next dust storm. ( _if only_ )

No time for regrets. He glanced over the notice boards again. There. That would do. There were no direct flights to Tantooine, but so much the better. He stepped out from behind the pillar.

"Ooof!" 

Someone else must have had the same idea. He collided with someone else and dropped his purchases. He knew that voice. Before he could stop himself, he looked up and met her eyes. "Greetings, Ahsoka."

* * *

Ahsoka had managed to contain her reaction. "Master--"

"Not here." He held a finger to his lips. "Follow me." He led her from the spaceport back into the town, through the crowded streets into the less-reputable alleys. He didn't stop until they reached a rundown cantana. The music inside came from a half-broken holo; an astromech served the drinks. 

They sat at a corner table. "Master Obi-Wan---"

"Ben, please."

"I just--you're alive! After the attacks--how did you survive?"

"I almost didn't."

"And Master Anakin?"

Obi-Wan's heart sank. Of course she didn't know. "Ahsoka--I--"

"Were you together? What happened?" 

"The Sith attacked the Temple. He killed everyone. The younglings--the padawans--the masters. I traced him to Mustafar--but it was too late. Anakin was gone."

Ahsoka lowered her head. "And.... and Padme?"

"The Sith killed her too." Even here--even to Ahsoka--he dare not mention the twins. He covered his face. Jedi aren't supposed to show emotion. Jedi aren't supposed to get attached. 

"Master," Ahsoka looked up at him. "It wasn't your fault."

But it was. It was. 

> You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you.

"What have you been doing?" he said, attempting to change the subject. 

"Oh, a little bit of this and that," she shrugged. "It's not like I can advertise my skills, you know."

Kenobi laughed dryly. "Farming, would you believe it?"

"Farming? You? Never took you for an AgCorps member."

"Well, moisture farming is mostly mechanics anyway."

"Moisture farming--you mean-- _Tantooine_?"

"Shhh," he hissed automatically. "But, yes, moisture farming."

"But why?"

"Penance." The word slipped out before he had time to think about it.

"What? Master, I don't understand. Even without the Jedi, you could do so much good--"

"So much good? What good have I ever done?"

"Geonosis--all those battles--"

"Sure, I can fight. But what about protecting? What about saving people? I've never been good at that. My old master Qui-Gon, Duchess Satine, Anakin--even you." 

"You were one of the only people who believed me!"

"I could have done more. I _should_ have done more. But I thought the council could be trusted. I thought they'd want to know the truth." He shook his head. "Everyone is better off without me."

The door swung open. Both of them froze. 

But it was only a drunk old man. He stumbled up to the counter, pushed across a pile of credits, and took the glass from the droid without another word.

"You should leave," Kenobi said. "If anyone's watching....."

"But what about you?"

"I'll be fine." He pulled further back into the corner. "May the Force be with you, Ahsoka." 

She barely heard his words. "And with you, Master."

* * *

It wasn't until he was back on Tantooine that he fully recognized what he'd said. 

Or rather, how he'd said it.

> I traced him to Mustafar--but it was too late. Anakin was gone.

Not "Anakin turned to the Dark Side."

Not "I fought Anakin."

Not "Anakin is a Sith."

Just _Anakin was gone._

It's not a lie. Not entirely. He hadn't meant to lie. That's part of it, right? You can't lie accidentally, right?

He'd wanted to spare her feelings--wanted her to live free of his guilt. 

The one gift he could still give.

Because if knowing the truth meant living with this pain--the weight of what Anakin had become, the endless list of might-have-beens and if-onlys, the knowledge that every imbalance in the Force could be set at Anakin's feet--then it was a crime he'd gladly accept.


End file.
